Hardcore Upset

Relationships: what are they and what do i wanna say about them? well. I know I am not an expert and I seem to have the worst luck in them. But i have to say something..so....here we go.

I recently went through the worst break up of my life and lost alot of friends, belongings, memories, and faith in people and have made it very clear how angry I was at people and the point in life where I was willing to give up and it has just beaten me down to the point of Falling over in complete frustration of failure....and God took that and broke me to his will and realize where I was falling.

...so here I am 7 months after my life fell apart and completely naked in front of God and my friends and I have to say this. I am seeing people falling apart all around me and it makes me sad to see it.

the worst is, seeing someone who has been such a close friend of mine for so long, to get used. It is the most gut wrenching feeling to see someone who is so kind and gentle to get taken completely advantage of.

and there are a few other friends I see that are going through Hell and Loss and it just breaks me down and I cry and weep for them. And to see someone losing there marriage who has been marrried for so long to see it die out. Just kills me.

So...relationships suck...they do....But we have to just go through the cave time and come out the other end and be like "God, thank you for making me go through that to love you more"

...and so I leave you with this song from "Brave Saint Saturn" I recently bought this cd and I am in love with it. Reese Ropper (Five Iron Frenzy) is one of the best writers and one of the best people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

so two exerts:

"Invictus"
Take this broken heart,
if it brings You praise,
Take this beaten soul,
shivering hands I will raise.

Hope Unstoppable,
Sing the morning sun,
Wake up oh sleeper,
the Daylight has come.

You are, You are,
Invincible.
You are You are,
Unbreakable.


and

"On Distant Shores (the end of it is from every new days, but this version breaks my heart)"
Night came and I broke my stride,
I swallowed hard, but never cried.
When grace was easy to forget,
I'd denounce the hypocrites,
casting first stones, killing my own.
You would unscale my blind eyes,
and I stood battered, but more wise,
fighting to accelerate,
shaking free from crippling weight.
With resilience unsurpassed,
I clawed my way to You at last.
And on my knees, I wept at Your feet,
I finally believed, that You still loved me.

Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again.
Jesus Christ, Light of the World,
burning bright within our hearts forever.
Freedom means love without condition,
without beginning or an end.
Here's my heart, let it be forever Yours,
only You can make every new day seem so new.


Here are some you tube links to the songs please check them out and enjoy them.
Invictus
On Distant Shores


So to everyone I have hurt during this last year and this last 7 months I am sorry and I want you to forgive me and Know that I love you all and I am so grateful that God is my savior and I am loved and forgiven...amen.